8 Hours with Bones

On the 8th day of Blogness Bones gave to me, 8 Hours with Bones:

As promised you will be able to follow your loyal narrator every step of the day. Never again will you be performing data entry, taking a client out to lunch or trying to muster up the courage to ask the secretary to go to the company Christmas party as a couple and wonder, "What is Bones doing right now?" Remember what I do on December 18, 2008 (which will be known as "No Bones about it" day from now on and probably will rival Christmas as the countries biggest commercial holiday in years to come) is the same exact thing I do everyday, it never changes. Without furthur ado.

8:32: I stroll into work exactly 2 minutes late everyday. If I leave the house at 8:07 I either hit traffic or not have exact change (why do people in toll booths act suprised when you give them a dollar? You would think they would have the right ammount of change ready since it it is always the same. Maybe the price of tolls is like the stock market. The sign says 70c because that is what the market is set at each day. It fluctuates up and down and they have to check it in case it changes but by some miracle the value always stays above 69.50 and below 70.50.) or hit traffic and get here at 8:32. If I leave at 8:15 and I am worried about being painfully late there is no traffic to speak of, I have exact change and I still get here at 8:32. My New Year's resolution is to be ready at 8:07 everyday, then do 8 minute abs and leave at 8:15. This will not only save those sometimes wasted 8 minutes but also keep my abs looking like White Goodman's and thus reward the ladies.

10:01: For the last hour and a half my day has gone like this, check personal e-mail, fantasy football, e-mail, facebook, e-mail, fantasy football, facebook, e-mail, the insideslant.com, e-mail, facebook, espn.com, e-mail, answer phone, mail 1 count that 1 check, e-mail, facebook, grillenwitgill.blogspot.com. Their is no method to my madness I just do not know what else to do. The sad thing is that my fantasy football season ended last week. Another unfortunate thing about today is there are only 2 NBA games. I ussually read the summaries for the 8-12 games that night then decide which 2 or 3 I want to wager a George Washington or Abe Lincoln on depending on confidence. I am 10-1 the last 2 nights, which has never and will happen again, and have netted almost enough cash to go for the combo meal over the dollar menu today at lunch. Ok, it looks as if I have to go. There is another check to mail and Cowherd is about to start. Wait, he is out of town! Noooooooooooooooooo.

11:12: I just hit pause on the latest Bill Simmons podcast to inform you that one of my friends from high school, Brammer, (who is a clone of Landon Donovan, seriously a clone, I always tell him if he did nothing but squats and calf raises for six months he could move to LA and never pay for a beer or be without female companionship until Donovan is irrelavant) just wrote me a text which read as follows: "Are you seriously keeping a running blog of your day? I am always devastated when Cowherd goes on vacation too." This means that there is at least one more person reading this then I thought was possible. Is there anyone else out there? Aight, back to Simmons, filling in a spreadsheet with numbers that symbolize nothing, and perfecting the art of minimization.

12:37: It is at this time a day when I am faced with the most difficult decision I have to make while at work. Since, How will I help the company today? Where can I obtain the latest leads? and What is my motivation now that I have reached my monthly goal? do no not apply to Bones the question of, When should I go to lunch?, is the only one I must tackle with analytical vigor. I get one hour a day and can take it whenever I so choose. I ussually shun the supposed most important meal of the day known as breakfast so by noon my stomach is begging me to sample the rediculous collection of snacks kept at the office. This is when I remind my stomach that if it wants to continue to be used as a washboard sun chips, cool ranch dorritos, classic lays and funions will not suffice. However, I cannot go to lunch at noon, my day would never end. For some reason when I get back from lunch time creeps to a pace that would have even the Slowskeys begging for DSL. When I first started here I was weak sometimes appeasing my hunger at 1 pm or even earlier. However, after intense training and reading Phil Jackson's Long Stange Journey I can ussually ignore weakness until around 1:45. My personal record is 3:07. Today the goal is a lofty 2:06, wish me luck!

3:27: I was able to hold off on going to lunch until an impressive 2:21. Ah, the power of imagination. I accomplished this incredible feat by pretending I was eating dinner with Robin Williams and the Lost Boys in Hook. I simply got out a bowl, closed my eyes and shoveled pile after pile of vibrant colored, Gak (obscure Nickolodean reference) textured goodness into my mouth. When I snapped out of my day dream I was swinging on a rope from the second floor, while throwing a purple gob of satisfaction at my boss and screaming bangarang. When asked what I thought I was doing I simply replied, "Roooooooffffffffiiiiioooooooo" and walked out to my car for lunch.

5:17: As a second Sports guy Podcast and another longer than imaginable day come to a close I want to thank you for your rabid participation and provide you with a tally of the days events.
23 views of ESPN.com
20 sent e-mails
17 personnal e-mail checks
11 visits to facebook
6 blog posts
5 bank account checks (in case I bought something subconciously)
2 Simmons Podcasts
1 trip to never never land

Thanks again for the support and see you tommorrow as the festivities continue.