Bones once again enters the blogasphere apologetic to his readers about another long delay but this time he actually has an excuse. Bones recently switched jobs. Coincidentilly, his days no longer consist of this. Now that he actually has to do work at work Bones can no longer send triple digit e-mails a day and more importantly, must blog on his own time. Blogging itself took only a small piece of Bones gargatian man card. However, blogging on his own time, for free (because google hates the little guy), would leave him somewhere between David Spade and Marc Antony on the totem pole of masculinity. But being weak, talking like a girl and failing to bench press the bar seems to have worked for those guys so Bones will blog on.
Sadly, Bones will be addressing his beloved Redskins in tonight's entry. The teams current state of utter disaray makes Andy Reid's family situation seem normal. The most unbelivable part of the entire catastophre is that the blame for the Redskins 2-4 record is being placed on Jason Campbell and Jim Zorn. Are the Redskins fans and the media really that naive? You give a fat, unmotivated player (Haynesworth) with a history of attitude problems 100 million, a corner (Hall) who can't tackle or cover and has a history of attitude problems 40 and start the season without a back up offensive lineman who played a snap last season and it's the quarterbacks fault? This is the equivalent of blaming Davey Crockett for not being able to fend off the Mexicans at the Alamo. As for Zorn, maybe he is not a great offensive mind but has that really be proven? The offensive line he coaches is decrepit, his running back is eroding faster than Jerry Jones face and they have 2 players (Moss, Cooley) that are viable recieving targets. Obviously, this is not the head coaches fault.
Bones believes the Redskins can be likened to the appearance of Fergie. They have a beautiful body (tradition, fans, stadium and defense) that is tarnished by what is upstairs. (Dan Snyder, Vinny Cerato) These morons actually brought a 67 year old man who has never been a succesful play caller and was announcing Bingo numbers two weeks ago in to run their offense.
In spite of all of this Bones is a loyal and dissilusional fan. He somehow believes they will beat the Eagles tonight, turn their season around and make the playoffs. Why? He simply cannot help it. Bones is similar to the distraught but doting wife who still believes her husband is "working late" despite finding lip stick stains on his dress shirts once a week. Tonight he will drag you through the Redskins agonizing betrayal along with him. Think of him as the wife as she forces herself to continue to climb the stairs despite hearing another woman's voice in her bedroom. Will he open the door to see the Redskins with the secretary and finally give up hope or will he wake up from a nightmare and realize the beginning of this season has been nothing but a bad dream.
8:41: Shockingly all 20 "experts" on the ESPN Monday Night Countdown team picked the Eagles. Bones gets deja vu and remembers the exact same thing happened 3 years when the Skins shocked the Eagles. These guys are right the same ammount as time as any normal fan. Why do they ask them who is going to win?
8:45: DeSean Jackson scores a 67 yard touchdown on a simple reverse. How did Bones possibly think the Skins could even stay close in the game? They have already lost to the Chiefs, Lions and Panthers and squeked by the Rams and Bucs at home. How can they be this bad? Bones is sweating prefusely and just recieved 6 hateful text messages. This night will not end well.
8:55: Campbell fumbles a snap to crush the Redskins first drive and the Eagles are moving down the field again. On a side note the umpire for the game looks like more of a corpse than the Redskins franchise. Someone check his pulse.
9:02: Brian Westbrook gets a concussion and apparently his brother plays for the Redskins. How did I not know this? Can we trade?
9:21: At the end of the first quarter the Eagles lead 14-0. The Redskins performance is identical to what it has been all season. Pretty good defense, inept offense. If a big play doesn't come out of nowhere this game will be over by halftime. Bones knows he will not be able to sleep but doesn't know if he can continue to watch. Maybe he will camp out, go for a run or shoot himself with a tranquilizer. As Campbell fumbles the third option appears to be the best.
9:33: The corpse almost cost the Redskins 40 yards by calling clipping on the wrong team. Down 17-0 the Skins need a touchdown before rigomortis kicks in and the game is delayed.
9:41: BINGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....The Redskins score an offensive touchdown which is actually the result of great play calling. A draw to Rock Cartwright catches the Eagles off guard and the Skins go shot gun from the 2 to score their first offensive touchdown in recent memory. Still down 17-7 at least there is a glimmer of hope.
9:46: With all the momentum on their side Atwaan Randle El tries to catch a punt with his face and the Eagles recover. Why do I continually build up hope? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????
10:10: The good news the Redskins are playing better than they have all season. The bad news, they are down 27-10 at halftime. Nothing is more indicitive of their sad state than Jim Zorn celebrating a last minute field goal that cut the lead to 17 like they just won the Lombardi Trophy.
10:22: Bones just to took a cold shower, put a clothespin on his lip and listened to you oughta know by Alanis Morisette to try to awake from this nightmare but it did not work. He has also changed Redskins shirts and just took 4 nyquils in an attempt to end the misery. Why does he keep telling himself if they can score on the opening drive of the half their right back in it? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????
11:00: A scoreless third quarter was highlighted by Andre Carter causing a Donovan McNabb fumble that sat inbetween a Redskins player feet for what seemed like 5 legit seconds. If the situation was reversed the Eagles would have scooped the ball up and run it into the end zone. In fact that only teams that wouldn't have recovered that fumble are the Skins, Browns, Lions, Bucs and Rams. But when you are an awful team the ball never seems to bounce your way. Instead of going to bed Bones is going to sit on the edge of his seat for the entire fourth quarter. Sadly, deep down he believes the Skins somehow have a chance.
11:28: Going for it on fourth and goal down 17 the Redskins center snaps the ball into his own leg. Mike Tirico says, "That play epitimizes the Washington Redskins." It is the first time in his life that a comment like this to make Bones furious. But next week is a bye, they have time to lick their wounds, get more accustomed to their new play caller, there is still hope, they can win their last 9 games… WWHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????
Monday, October 26, 2009
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