Bones stumbles into the blagosphere feeling like John Daly the morning after pulling an all-nighter at Hooters. I cannot remember a three day period in my young sports life where more punishment was endured. It would be easier not to pour rubbing alcohol on these still fresh wounds by talking about them but I cannot rob the readers of what is rightfully theres. So, while squeezing the hand of the nurse who has been nurturing me back to good health the past two days I present to you; "Beaten, Battered, Blindsided but Blinged out" a weekend in the life of Bones.
(Beaten) : Our young, handsome, charming, chiseled, daring (aight aight sorry) protagonist entered the weekend having claimed that he loved his college football picks and would make his readers enough money to move out of their parents' basement. Alas, it wasn't to be. On Saturday the genius of Tom Sellick overshadowed the diversion of Charlie Weiss' waistline, the voice of Ray Charles was nowhere to be heard and Colt McCoy was outplayed in one of the best college games I can remember. A Sunday split left Bones' picks at 1-4 and left his readers eating Mom's meatloaf for at least another week.
(Blindsided): On Monday morning I recieved 3 texts in a 5 minute span informing me of the regrettable news that AI was headed to Detroit for Chauncey Billups. This meant my favorite player of all time, in any sport, was no longer a Piston. It is a combination of things that caused my adoration of Billups. I loved Billups so much my friends even called me Chauncey and Gillups at times. Chauncey was my favorite player for what he did to help the Pistons win: played unselfishly, got to the line, locked down the other team's point guard, capped off rallies with backbreaking 3s and took over games in the 4th quarter and for how he was able to pull off being the definition of cool every second he was on the court without ever being lazy. He never broke a sweat, was the last person off the court after every timeout (during 20 second t.o.'s he never reached the huddle), let opposing players know exactly where the party was immediately after games, didn't follow through or jump on 3's and was already dapping up Sheed and Big Ben before his foul shots scorched the bottom of the net. Joe D had promised change but I did not see this coming. This probably is a good move for the franchise because of the cap money it will free up after the season. The contracts of AI and Sheed expire after this year giving Joe D a shot at landing one of the stars in the summer of 2010's outstanding class. However, I selfishly would rather watch Mr. Big Shot for another 3 years than get a championship with Chris Bosh down the road. My Billups authentic was on e-bay, 100 kleenexes had met their demise and my love of the NBA had been tested as I sat down to watch the Redskins on Monday Night.
(Battered): Bones stumbled through a dreary fog after hearing the news of Mr. Big Shot' s departure for most of Monday but the day could be saved! The Redskins were playing on Monday Night Football with a chance to be 7-2 heading into the bye week. Washington took an early 6-0 lead and visions of Chauncey in a Nuggets jersey had all but disapeared. I was in such a good mood that when Tony Kornheiser said, " If Mitch Berger was a horse and had four legs 2 bad hamstrings would not be that big of deal" I did not even punch myself in the face. However, from that point on the Steelers manhandled the Skins and my sports weekend from down under was complete. Stick to PTI Mr. T!
(Blinged Out): The one positive of the weekend was that Bones and his boys managed to win the first annual pimp cup challenge. How I went 0-3 in the "Travis Henry Locks" and we went 5-2 in the challenge I will never know. What I do know is that we sent Team Boston home with a pint of clam chowder and heavy dose of humility. So while my readers went broke, my favorite player got traded and the Skins were humbled, I will soon be yelling What? OK! and drinking crunk juice from an $100 Lil John special.
Congratulations to Coach Mike Rhoades and the Division III Randolph-Macon Yellow Jackets who went into the Patriot center and shocked 2006 Final Four participant George Mason tonight 73-72. The game was an exhibition but Mason played their top 8 the entire way and Jim Larranaga stated after the game that he simply had no answer for the in game wizadry of Coach Rhoades.
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