YOU KNOW ITS TRUE!

Ah, it is almost the weekend and when you have a job as boring as Bones' there is no better feeling. However, before I can fully let the feeling of unequivocal bliss the weekend brings come over me I must do 2 things: Get something that has been driving me crazy lately off my chest and release the "Travis Henry Locks of the Week."

The aspect of society that bothers me this Friday afternoon is people that do not understand that their job is worthless and anyone could do it. "Well, Bones what the hell do you do that is so important?" Nothing, absolutely nothing. The difference between me and these self-worshipping laborers is I know that I can be replaced or simply eliminated without interrupting the flow of my workplace. It is employees who feel as if a multi-billion dollar franchise like McDonald's would go down the tubes if they quit that really irk your loyal narrator. These perpetrators can be easily spotted by the following common sayings which often set off ridiculous rants.

"There is just not enough time in the day" Everytime you hear a disgruntled employee utter this you know they have entirely too much. I dare say that there is not a person reading this. Wait, that was not supposed to be a complete thought. I dare say there is not a person reading this who has not heard this statement uttered in response to the question, "how do you like your job?"This person, who is ussually rocking a sweater vest and is shaped like Mr. Potato Head will respond, "I mean I love working at Pet Smart but there is just not enough time in the day. They expect me to clean the Hamster cages, feed the Iguanas and help customers locate items. I mean Helloooo? I do my best but if they don't change the way they run their stores they're gonna go down. I hate to say it but they're headed for trouble. You know you just can't run a business expecting someone to be a cage cleaner, Iguana feeder and item locater all in one. The only reason I'm still there is because every year you get an additional 3 percent off store items. I'm just to invested to get out now. You know." After a rant like this Bones ussually musters a "who knew" while plotting to poison this chief's next cocktail.

"Not for what they pay me" Everytime an unhappy worker says this people immediately know it is way to much. The rant ussually goes something like, "For what they pay me you would think I didn't even gradaute grade school and I'm lazy. I mean I got my GED and I'm only late to work on even days of the week. Always on time monday, wednesday, friday, ALWAYS! Man and I work like half the time I'm there, HALF THE TIME! How many people can say that, HOW MANY PEOPLE! But for what they pay me I'll probably just quit! I'LL PROBABLY JUST QUIT!
"If I left what would they do?" The answer to this is whatever they have been doing but more effeciently. This malcontent can ussually be overheard talking to a co-worker while you wait at a restaurant that is making a mockery of the term fast foot. "If I left what would they do? I mean seriously, what would they do. I'm the fastest worker they get, hands down, no question about it. You know it's true. I'm not knocking anybody else but I mean who is always putting the salt on the fries when Wendy forgets? Me, that's who! You know it's true. I mean it takes Phil 10 minutes to get a whopper ready. Ten minutes? Come on, man. In ten minutes I can take 2 orders, prepare 5 whoppers, 3 number 6's and salt the fries. And you know the number sixes ain't no joke. If I left what would they do. No one would ever get their food. You know it's true.

Travis Henry Locks of the Week YTD 22-21-2

Saturday


7:45 ESPN Maryland plus 1 vs. Florida State) This line is hard to understand. Maryland beat the supposed best team in the ACC last week while Florida State lost at home to Boston College. Again, in a conference where everyone is mediocre I will take the team getting points at home. Florida State's two starting safeties are also out, albeit for very different reasons. One is out after tearing his ACL celebrating an interception while the other, Myron Rolle, has an interview for a Rhodes scholarship. Bones imagines the conversation between Rolle and Bowden went something like this:
Rolle: Coach, uh, I came to talk to you to ask permission to miss the Boston College game. I have an interview for a Rhodes scholarship.
Bowden: What! What the hell are you talking about son? I've never heard of it.
Rolle: Coach it is a great honor to even be considered. They only give out 32 in the country, it's kinda a big deal.
Bowden: Daggumit, fine. But I'll tell you one thing my uncle worked on roads back in the 50s and he wasn't no kind of scholar.
Maryland 24, Florida State 20.

8 ABC Oklahoma -7 vs. Texas Tech) Oklahoma will cover for two reasons: Oklahoma is 50-2 in Norman under Bob Stoops and following the recent rash of pirate activity in Somalia has left Texas Tech Head Coach Mike Leach little time to prepare for this huge game. Oklahoma 45, Texas Tech 31.

Duke plus 17 at Virginia Tech
Nevada plus 6.5 vs. Boise State

Sundays)

1 CBS Ravens -1 vs. Eagles) Bones does not see a team that just played in one of the worst games in NFL history going into Baltimore and getting a win. However, if the game goes into overtime the Eagles would have a distinct advantage now that their quarterback knows that games can end in a tie. I mean what if that happened in the Super Bowl? You tell'em Donovan!

8:15 NBC Chargers -2.5 vs Colts) The most disturbing part about the end of last week's game was not the millions of dollars that switched hands but the fact that Norv Turner was arguing the call. The Chargers had already lost the game and their coach is arguing because he would rather lose by 1 point than 8. That simply does not make sense to Bones. That being said I still think the Colts are a fraud and the Chargers are good at home. Chargers 28, Colts 24.

8:30 ESPN Saints -2.5 vs. Packers) It is unbelivable how often NFL prognasticators change their mind. The Packers play one good game at home to even their record at 5-5 and now they are one of the best teams in the NFL? The Saints are 4-1 at home, have not played in New Orleans in 43 days and the Packers are 2-3 away from Wiscosin. Sounds like a Saints vitory to Bones. Saints 35, Packers 28.

The Redskins have looked awful the last couple weeks and it has cost them back to back home defeats. They now face a must win in a place that they never do. Hopefully, the Seahawks do not decide that want to start trying in Week 12. Good luck to everyone and I hope Tony Siragusa is not on the field for your team's game.