For the first time in his illustrious career Bones has no idea what he is going to write in this entry. I am just going to act as one does in front of the mirror when they are sure no one is watching. The only difference being millions will observe my actions, but I simply do not care anymore. As I have stated we should all refuse to live our lives based on the rigid restrictions "The Man" tries to place on our genius. The following are just things that are have previously or are currently popping into my perplexed, complicated but strikingly astute and unique mind. It may be about sports, it may be about life, or it may be written in tounges. This may be the end of Bones career or it may be the beginning of a legend. Proceed with caution.
I think Larry Hughes looks exactly like Pluto and has gotten so many tatoos in hopes that no one notices...How long is dippin dots going to be the ice cream of the future?...Why does every generation look down on the generation that comes after them?...Why would Carmen Electra marry Dennis Rodman?...Does the guy who wears long sleeves for Oklahoma have bionic arms?...If David Stern can make his players wear suits, why can he not force the best players to be in the dunk contest?...When the WNBA said they had next, what exactly did they mean?...Where is Kevin Pittsnogle?...What happened to all the VCRs?...Were the employees at blockbuster who were in charge of rewinding tapes allowed to take another position with the company or just terminated? How did this affect the economy?...I used to cry everytime Duke lost and now I do not even root for them...If I was in a soap opera I would want my name to be Fletcher Mosely, I would want my love interest to be named Herball Essence and I would want the show to be entitled, "Floating in the abyss."...I do not understand autographs or collectors items for people over the age of 14...Is the question of does a bear dispose of his waste in the woods the best we as Americans could do when thinking of something that was obvious?...Why do obese people order diet cokes with super sized value meals?...Why do people where shirts that imply they have voices in their head telling them to do strange things?...How is Ben from LOST not popping up in every horror movie that is currently made?... Is the fact that teenagers are always engaging in premarital sex or smoking marijuana before they are killed in horror movies imply that they deserve to be savagely murdered by a masked stranger with a chainsaw?...When people say "I could care less" doesn't that imply that they care?...Why can't you ride your bike through the drive through?...I want to meet and have a conversation with someone who likes Rosie O'Donnell...Why when college kids get summer jobs and do not instictively know how do a task do workers mutter to themselves, I guess they don't teach common sense in college?...How was Carson Daly ever famous?...I refuse to accept Seacrest out as the new Casey Casum...I never liked the request and dedication segment of America's top 40...Isn't Dick Vitale being in a Hooters commercial a little strange?...I often wonder if there is anything about men that women truly like...I sometimes wish I was Rafael Nadal...I have never seen an Applebees that is in a neighborhood, in fact they are ussually strategically placed right next to highway exits...When trying to explain to a woman that Angelina Jolie is not prettier than Jennifer Anniston but is hotter tell them to compare Zac Efron and Antonio Banderas...I think it is only excusable to be a male cheerleader in the Pac 10...Why are all of USC quarterbacks so good looking...I find Serena Williams attractive...When I was a young child I had a massive crush on Jennifer Capriati and when she got busted for pot I sought therapy...When she came back with 50 pounds of adding muscle it reopened old wounds...I saw Stacy Augmon and Dikembe Mutombo naked when I was 10 and thought there was something wrong with me until I saw a fellow caucasian naked...Why do people in Philly act as if Rocky is a real person?...I often wonder what Jim Zorn is doing at random times during the day...I think Maria Sharapova is overrated...My little brother has a double earlobe and I am sometimes jealous...I once started the dryer while my little brother was inside of it...I have pondered legally changing my name to Bones...
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2 comments:
Gill. Geo told me about your blogs and I have spent the first few hours of my day and will now spend the remainder of my life reading them. Some are so eloquently written, while being trivial, hilarious, and make me wonder why you are not replacing Jay Leno because as we all know, Conan is over rated and has not accomplished nearly as much as your dream with a girl whispering in your ear, "When you see me at the Redneck bar tommorrow night buy me three red jello shots. They're only a dollar."...Wow e wow.
Posted by Reid, formerly known as Ace, but has now ingeniously and discreetly (shhh, dont tell anybody) taken the credits from Taladega Nights and credited himself with the name, "Shake n Baker."
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