Bones Comes Clean

While watching the Alex Rodriguez interview and subsequent fallout Bones came to three conclusions: The shots A-Rod was taking were more likely estrogen than steroids, his PR people are worse than Terrell Owens' and it is times for Bones to get something off of his chest. Yes, my loyal readers, Bones did juice for a short time of his blogging career. However, unlike Rodriguez, I was not ratted out but simply felt it was time to be honest with both myself and my readers. Bones hopes you can somehow find it in your heart to forgive him for his transgressions and the plethora of sports cliches he used in the following interview with ESPN's Dick Vitale.

Dickie V: Bones baby, let me first say I love your work, I mean, I absolutely love your work, phenomenol. You are a diaper dandy, a real PTPer! I could see that the first time I read you and I only have one good eye! So tell me. When did you start using and how long did it last?

Bones: Well, Thanks Dick. You know, I only did it a couple of times, mostly on accident. It started right before I wrote Cooler than the other side of the pillow and I had my lost shot during 8 hours with Bones. I was young and stupid and immature and selfish and wasn't thinking clearly.

Dickie V: But Why Bones? Why? You know steroids is the only thing in the entire world that isn't Awesome with a capital A. I would't even use them if it could make my hair look like Jay Wright's baby!

Bones: You know Dick, I just felt like my key striking was not what it had been, you know my adjectives were losing some power but you know I definitely didn't need it. It wasn't about the money. I was just trying to help my readers. You know, I couldn't even tell you what it was to be completely honest. My cousin told me it would help me grow facial hair. You know, I am 25 and I have never had to shave and that's tough. You know, come to find out it the substance had been banned by International Bloggers Association (IBL). Looking back, I should have done more research and known what I was putting into my body but that't that way it goes sometimes.

Dickie V: Ah Bones but why baby? Why did you do it?

Bones: Are you kidding? I just answered that.

Dickie V: Ok, but how could you not think about Coach K and Wojo and all the little Dukies and Cameron Crazies when you did it?

Bones: Is that a serious question? Why would I be thinking about that?

Dickie V: No need to be rude baby! You need to attack everyday like me and my man Coack K do! You have to display great passion and intensity! Aren't you worried about what this will do to your legacy? You did some of your best work while using performance enhancers. You could have been the Robert Montgomerie Knight of bloggers!

Bones: You know Dick, I just have to get the truth out there and let the chips fall where they may. I'll let people come to their own conclusions about which blogs should count towards the Hall of Fame. It's in the voters hands. Everyone knows that I am clean now, so I hope if I can continue to produce people will come around. You know, it is what it is.

Dickie V: Bones, Bones, Bones! You're breaking my heart! What made you decide to stop? When did you reach the point where you decided to be awesome again and start to play with honor and integrity like Mr. Battier did on Coach K court?

Bones: You know I stopped once after You know it's true but then I found out I had carpel tunnel and you know, the stuff is supposed to help your recovery time. You know, I don't think it really did anything but that's what I'm told it does. Then, I wrote 8 hours with Bones and I hit a couple keys so hard they got jammed and I tweaked my wrist in a real freak injury. Right when I hit the submit entry I made a pact with myself that I would never use again.

Dickie V:With all the nicknames that have been given to users out there, you know, guys like Barroid Bonds, A-Roid, Roider Clemens and Rafael Palmeroid are you concerned at all about contracting a damaging nickname?

Bones: What the hell kind of nickname could they come up with for Bones?

Dickie V: ...If I didn't have to talk incesintly I'd be speechless baby! I really don't know. As fas as I'm concerned no one has ever done anything wrong in their lives and that includes you baby! I'd like to thank you for showing great honor, integrity, passion, awareness and coachability during the interview. You were extremely coachable! Now let's go to Hooters with beautiful wife, family, grandkids and all of Krzyzewskiville baby! Up, up and away!