Where Amazing Happens

Ahhhh, the NBA is back in full swing and Bones could not be happier. Your loyal narrator scribbled his highly anticipated league preview on a picture of Dan Snyder’s face the day before the season started while at work. However, he is only now getting the opportunity to place it in front of the eyes of his readers. Some of his predictions seem about as likely as Deshawn Stevenson being caught without change for a 10 but he promises he has changed nothing.


Bones has been over this before but must state for those who don't know that the NBA is his favorite league in any sport. He can watch the Kings play the Warriors in early November (and did on Sunday night) and be thoroughly enertained. It also needs to be reinterated that anyone who prefers the college game lacks an appreciaton for the game of basketball. The argument that NBA players do not try or play defense is proposterous. It is also easily combated. The next time you are viewing an NBA game watch the slow motion replays shown going into time outs. 9 out of 10 times a players is hitting an off-balance shot with a defender's hand placed inbetween his eyes. Even if you still believe the effort is questionable the NBA is still superior. What sounds more enertaining to watch? An unpolished, over-achieving, 6'7 power forward crash the boards and accumalate hustle points in college or Amare Stoudamare draining 20 footers and cranking on people. Would you rather see Jon Sheyer pump fake or Josh Smith windmill? Tyler Hansborough's push shot or Kobe's fadeaway? These seem like easy questions to Bones.
Without furthur delay Bones presents his second annual NBA preview. The following predictions are as guarenteed as Jim Zorn coaching the Redskins next season.

Pistons Preview: The abysmal state of Bones' current teams leaves him in a sports purgatory with no signs of being invited upstairs. The Orioles are perennial bottom feeders in the AL East, the Redskins are being driven into the ground by the NFL's Kim Jon-il and now Joe Dumars has succesfully destroyed the Pistons. The moves of Dumars have grown progressivly worse to the point that the wretched off season Detroit endured was almost expected. It started with the draft. The Pistons actually spent the 15th pick on Austin Daye from Gonzaga. The young man's name and school are irrelevant. All Bones needs to know is that he weighs 170 pounds, has a knee brace and wore a shirt under his jersey. He will not be good. In addition a team whose big men are Kwame Brown, Chris Wilcox and what is left of Ben Wallace passed on Dejaun Blair multiple times late and traded another steal, Chase Budinger, for nothing. Dumars truly showed his brilliance in the free agent market. He used the cap money created from the Chauncey Billups trade to sign a soft, jump shooting power forward, Charlie Villanueva, and a streaky scorer, Ben Gordon. Yes, Ben Gordon is good but not 5 year, 55 million good. Not to mention he plays the same position as the team's best player, Rip Hamilton. Dumars' defense at the time he traded away Bones' favorite player of all-time was the team needed to rebuild. If turning a perennial Eastern Conference finals contender into a team that might not get into the playoffs and has no cap room for the 2010 LeBron, Wade, Bosh sweepstakes is rebuilding then he did a great job.

Ugliest Team: Boston Celtics: How does a team lose MVP Sam Cassell and retain the title of NBA's ugliest team? It is actually quite simple for a cunning GM like Danny Ainge. He went right to work and added Sheldon Williams and Marquis Daniels. Bones does not make a habit of getting cheap laughs at the appeareance of others but if he saw 5 man squad of Williams, Daniels, Brian Scalabrine, Big Baby Davis and Kendrick Perkins walking down the street he would be convinced the goverment was creating mutants and a few had escaped. The eyes, noses and foreheads of Davis, Perkins and Williams look like their staring at reflections in a mirror maze and Daniels seems satanically posessed. With the world's biggest ginger, Scalabrine, rounding out the group the men from Beantown have undoubtedly locked up a repeat.

Biggest Potential Suprise: Washington Wizards: Washington has the same core that finished fifth in the East two years ago and has added even more scoring. There are not many teams in the league that posess 5 players that can score over 30 on a given night and the Wizards definitely have that in Gilbert Arenas, Mike Miller, Antawn Jamison, Randy Foye, and Caron Butler. The Wizards have also added depth to the frontcourt with the addition of Fabricio Oberto and the emergence of Andray Blache. As is always the case with the Wizards the biggest question is can they stay healthy? If they can Bones sees them as a sixth seed that has a real chance to scare Cleveland or Orlando in the first round.

Best Hair-Mike Miller: Despite tough competion from Ron Artest and Dirk Nowitzki Mike Miller is the winner of this year's award for best hair. Bones was in attendence for the Wizards' preseason game against the Grizzlies. After signing autographs and taking pictures with babies Bones found his seat and began to watch the players warm up. When he glanced at the court for the first time he saw the most beautiful hair he had ever seen. Wavy, vibrant, golden locks were flowing down the back of one of Washington's players. Bones first instict was to assume the mane belonged to a d-leaguer who would be cut at the end of the season and never seen again. Imagine how enthralled he was when your loyal narrator discovered the majestic ensemble belonged to Mike Miller. Refusing to let his performance affect his appearance Miller shunned a ponytail. Instead, he constantly threw his hand backwards and brushed the hair away from his eyes leading to both a sub par performance and the fainting of several females. Following the game the Wizards shamelessly informed Mr. Miller he must mask the vibrant radiance that is his hair with a ponytail. This is the equivalent of telling a rainbow it can only be one color but Bones believes an all yellow rainbow would be better than none at all and looks forward to watching Miller make women swoon throughout the season.

MVP-Carmelo Anthony- 2009 is the year that Carmelo Anthony finally takes his place alongside D-Wade, Kobe and LeBron in the NBA's elite. It is not as if Melo has not been playing at the same level as these players the past three seasons but this year he will finally be forgiven by the media for a series of minor transgressions (the most unforgivable being his decision to marry MTV's VJ and wear this.) Carmelo became Bones second favorite player in the league during the 2004 Olympics. He seemed to be the only player that showed any passion on what was a disaster of a squad. He followed that up with an even more impressive performance in the Athens games and a great 2008-2009 NBA season for the Nuggets. Anthony may not be the defender Wade, Kobe and LeBron are but he is a more efficient and natural scorer. The difference between he and the other three being he can score 40 or 50 points with interupting the flow of the offense. He scores in a variety of ways, none involving the calling of a high ball screen or clear out while the rest of his team stands stagnant. When the Nuggets do isolate him he makes moves predicated on scoring quickly. He is also strong enough to to post up, attack the basket and draw fouls without the preferential officiating treatment other elite players recieve. If Baltimore's finest puts up 26, 6 and 5, Denver has another succesful year and the voters do whats right the 2009 MVP should go to Melo.

NBA Champ: San Antonio Spurs: As painful as it is to envision Bones' crystal ball contains the Spurs and Celtics playing an NBA finals full of 83-79 contests. The Spurs made themselves exponentially better by adding a fourth scorer in Richard Jefferson. They also added a valuable veteran, Antonio McDyess, and and stole DeJaun Blair with the 38th pick. Why isn't every NBA team run like the Spurs? With Tony Parker blowing by Derek Fisher at will, Jefferson forcing Kobe to exert energy on defense and McDyess pulling Gasol away from the basket so Tim Duncan can operate the Spurs will sneak by the Lakers before disposing of Boston in 6 games to win the NBA championship.