HEY! HEY! HEY!

Rarely will I ever discuss politics but I have to ask a few questions about last night's debate. How did Fat Albert get the job as the debate moderator? More importantly, why did the big guy shun his traditional red shirt and denim get up and go with an outfit that made him look like a contestant off a circa 1982 episode of Family Feud? Everytime they flashed from Sarah Palin or Joe Biden back to the big fella it felt like jumping from present day to the set of The Jeffersons.

People have been saying that Palin has been brain-washed for her public appearances and is just regergetating whatever her advisors have told her to say. This theory leaves me with another question. Is one of her advisors June Cleaver? I know Alaska is not part of the continental United States but is that an excuse for their current language to resemble conversations that occurred when it was a possibility the milkman was your father? When Biden reeled off a host of supposed reasons John McCain is not a true "Maverick" (whatever the Hell that means) I really expected Palin to say, "Well Gee Willikers Beav we both know that lying is wrong, now go drink the rest of your milk and go get ready for bed."

Aight sticking to my rigid blogging format I will be replacing the daily "things that bother me" section with my "Travis Henry Locks" of the week. There will be some grumblings but if I really stuck to all rules of blogs I would be sitting in my parent's basement, eating my mom's french toast and practicing my chubaka impersonation so get over it. I expect all these picks to cover easily, the fact that the chances of this are miniscule is irrelavent. If Subway can convince fat people they can lose weight by stuffing down hoagies there is always a chance.

College:

6 p.m. ESPN) Auburn -3.5 at Vandy: "But Gameday is there!!" Anyone who just uttered that to themselves immediately arouse yourself and then run into a wall going as fast as possible. Yes, Vandy is 4-0 but it is smoke and mirrors. In their victory against Ole Miss they were actually out gained 380 to 200 and they cannot move the ball through the air. Auburn will feast on their run game, potentially hurt their QB and turn away all 40,000 people they can pack into the stadium saying "Well at least we will make more money than people that go to Auburn." Auburn 24-10.

7 p.m. ESPNY i mean U)UVA plus 13.5 hosting Maryland: Yes, UVA got dismantled by Duke last week in the battle that would have been more compelling as a debate but UVA is the opposite of Vandy. The have played well in stretches and actually outgained Duke by a significant margin in the first half but were done in by turnovers. This is the same Maryland team that has beaten Cal and Clemson but is also the same team that lost to Middle Tennessee State and struggled at home with a Division I-AA opponent.. If you watch this game you have serious problems but lock it up. Maryland 27-17.

8 p.m. ESPN) Ohio State plus 1 at Wiscosin: Ohio State only sucks against teams outside of conference. The combination of Beanie Wells and Tyrelle Pryor will be too much for a team coming off an incredibly heartbreaking loss. Ohio State 31-14.

Sunday:

1 p.m. on da dish) Texans plus 3 hosting Indy: Yes, the Colts are coming off a bye week. Yes, the Texans are 0-3. However, the Colts could easily be 0-3 and the Texans could easily be 2-1. Add to that the fact they are at home, 80 percent of the public is on the Colts and I can picture Tony Dungy square dancing while wearing a Canadian tuxedo and you have to take Houston. Colts 21-20.

4 p.m. da dish) Cards pick em hosting Buffallo: I know Boldin is out, Warner is held together by duct tape and Mrs. Warner and Howie Long have the same hair stylist but Arizona is still good at home and the Bills opponnents are a combined 4-11. Cardinals 28 Bills 24.

I feel the Skins are going to get in done this weekend as I always do. Although I do not think Jason Taylor is a big loss because he plays run defense like a Spaniard with a red cape, Shawn Springs is. He would have been matched up with DeSean Jackson. Now it will probably be Fred Smoot. Smoot would be a great flag football player but makes Deion Sanders look like Lawrence Taylor. The keys to the game are going to be whether Westbrook plays and if Jason Campbell can keep his streak of games without a turnover going against a fierce pass rush. Wow that was boring. Hope everyone has a great weekend and I hope Tony Saragusa is "not on the field" for your teams game.