Matt Stairs?

In the last two nights the chances of a dream series between the Red Sox and the Dodgers were all but eliminated. Did I not clearly state last week that I would switch from a sideline report of Erin Andrews in the nude to see this series? So what the hell is going on?

The Dodgers shot at the title was ended by a Canadian of all people. It is undeniable Matt Stairs' bomb, which still has not landed, makes a great story. Stairs is a journeyman, whose closet probably contains nothing but jerseys from the 11 teams he has played for and flannel, and he comes in and hits one of the biggest home runs in Phillies' history. A 40 year old, whose only possible endorsement oppurtunity would be with jack links beef jerky if they inconcievably decided to end the messing with Sasquatch commercials, sticks a dagger into the Los Angeles Dodgers. In addition to propelling his team to the brink of the World Series the mammouth shot also produced one of the most awkward high fives of all time. When the ball left the yard, Jayson Werth looked at Greg Dobbs as if they were at a Star Trek convention and had just gotten William Shatner's autograph. Dobbs responded by slapping Werth's hand like Napolean Dynamite slapped the tetherball after he got rejected by Summer Sanders. Stairs has had a respectable career, but there is no way anyone expected a guy who has not had a hit in more than a month to hit a bomb off a pitcher who has not allowed one at home in almost three years. Unexpected heroes like Stairs are what makes the baseball postseason great. But I do not care about that. The only thing the home run combined with Boston getting outscored by a team that no one cares about 22-6 really means is that the dream scenario of Manny back in Boston is almost assuredly not going to happen.

Time for the daily "thing that bothers me section." Today there are actually two. Before I state the first thing that bothers let me preface it by saying that I do not judge people based on their education level, dress or occupation. There are plenty of millionaires that did not finish high school and there are who people who graduated from Princeton and have never held a steady job. This being said I cannot be the only one that notices that the fans shown in the front row at NFL games have to be beating people up in the parking lot and taking their tickets. Their is no other explanation. The people with the best seats in the stadium seriously all look like members of ZZ Top. I noticed this during the first Monday night game in Oakland and said to myself, come on Bones that is just Oakland. However, I have noticed it more in more over the ensuing weeks. I then tried to tell myself 3 6 mafia and the Grateful Dead have a ton of members and they might like football. But on monday I came to a realization that this could not be the case. With about a minute left in the first half of Cleveland's beat down of the Giants they showed a guy who looked like what I imagine John the Baptist would look like beating a dog bone against the padding in front of his 1st row seat on the 50. It is understandable that if he is trying to model his entire life after the saint than he is not spending much money at the grocery store. However, there is no way he is saving enough to shell out 2gs for season tickets. Either these guys are betting against Charles Barkley or mauling rich people in the parking lot and I want answers!

Second thing that bothers me is Tony Siragusa. He was a good football player, probably great guy and all that but he is an abysmal addition to any broadcast. Why does he have to state that he is on the field before everything he says? Everyone knows he is on the freaking field. He tells the viewer that they do not understand how big these guys are unless they are on the field over 100 times a game. Goose, everyone in the world knows that people who are 6'5 330 are massive. He says things like, "on the field you can really tell that Jason Campbell is talking a lot in the Redskins' huddle but I only know that because I am on the field." Wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that he is the one who gets the plays from the coach and the Redskins although well coached are not to the point yet where they can telepathically communicate with their quarterback? I am also bitter because he was "on the field" for the Skins loss to the Rams making Washington 0-30 all time when he does their games.

Just a reminder "Travis Henry locks of the Week" were 5-2. Bones, yes I am going third person because that is what you do when you have a unique gift, might have to start charging for these picks. Especially considering I almost guessed two scores, (Bones: UNC 28, ND 24, Actual: UNC 28, ND 23; Bones Miss State 17, Vandy 13, Actualy Miss State 17, Vandy 14) exactly.