2 Pro Bowl Brothers

The 8 days of Blogness continues to shun all traditional concepts of time and leaves mere mortals guessing how long 8 days actually lasts on Bones' calender. Fear no more. The festivities end this weekend as Bones can no longer deal with the rigid structure he has set for himself. Like, WhiteGoodman I like to grab life by the horns, literally, but not really, and scoff at the rigid societal stipulations so many let regulate their lives. I refuse to let material things like a job, money, friends or bathing regularly determine my happiness. In fact right now I am rowing Mrs. Bones in the exact same lake and boat that were used in TheNotebook (who knew that epic love story could also be used as a drinking game), just because I wanted to do something romantic. The conclusion of the eight days of blogness will leave me feeling more free than Red at the end of The Shawshank Redemption and ease the minds of my loyal readers.

2 Brothers Manning

One might expect this to be a sentimental entry about how special I think it is that two brothers defied the long odds and both became Pro Bowl quarterbacks. Obviously, one does not know Bones. On the second day of Blognesss I aim to prove that the Manning brothers are actually not related at all. Bones personallybelieves that while Peyton is Archie's biological son, Eli is not. Anyone who listens to sports talk radio is a loser. Wait, what I meant was anyone who listens to sports talk radio knows that Archie Manning's goal on this earth is to be on the air waves as often as possible. Twenty years ago Archie was overheard saying, "I know Peyton's success will provide me some opportunities but the people of America will not be able to escape my voice if I can somehow add another NFL QB to the Manning lineage". Because of this I am almost 100 percent certain that around this time Mr. Manning heard about a young phenom in Idaho named Rico Dynamite Jr. He could throw a pigskin a quarter mile and clear over mountains at the age of 7. So Archie traveled to the home of Ian Johnson armed with only a timemachine, a promise of free steak for life and a jacuzzi where Rico Dynamite Sr. could soak up life with his soulmate and convinced the vagabond to let him nurture his son into a Hall of Fame QB. It pained Dynamite Sr. to let his young boy go but sales of the bust must plus were lagging and he really loves steak. "Bones, Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Yes, Eli Manning is Uncle Rico's son and has no relation to Peyton or Archie. The above documented story and the discrepencies between the brothers listed below prove it.

1) Eli and Peyton look nothing alike: I am not saying all siblings look exactly alike but in most cases there is at least a vague resemblence. These supposed brothers do not share even one physical similarity, (unless you count slapping both thighs with an open hand patty cake style after picks a physical similarity). A prime example is their hair. Peyton Manning has the hair of the friend you have that you would think had a receding hair line if you weren't friends with him and knew better. At parties people say, "man I feel sorry for your friend going bald so early" and Bones responds "Yea, it does but he deserves it," even though I know it has looked like that since he was nine. On the opposite end of the spectrum Eli possesses the same distinguished comb over that JaysonHanky, the Wilson Brothers and yes Uncle Rico use to drive southern belles wild.

2) Their personalities are polar opposites: Can you imagine Eli hosting Saturday Night Live? The only way that would be fun to watch is if he got to rifle spirals at a bullseye 5 yards away and treat Tiki Barber to trips to a dunk tank for the duration of the show. Somehow his "brother" Peyton was the best Saturday Night Live host I have ever seen, is the star in the funniest commercials on TV and would be an unreal addition to The Office upon retirement. Peyton loves the limelight like Archie and Eli struggles to make home videos like Uncle Rico. Hmmmmm.

3) Their throwing motions: Next time you have a free minute, so right now, go watch the scene in Napolean Dynamite where Uncle Rico makes a video of himself throwing a football. Uncle Rico and Eli's drop back, release point, follow through and manerisms are so similar it is uncanny. Also note that Eli's only complaint about football is that people cannot see your headband while you play. Then get ahold of an old tape of Archie Manning and notice the same similarities between he and Peyton.

4) The Oreo Commercial: If you are somehow still doubting Bones' theory, simply watch this video and you will become an instant believer. Notice that Eli calls Peyton "Bro" in the way DerekZoolander used it and not as his actual brother. However, the main point to be drawn from the commercial is that two real brothers would never let this happen. If you have a brother, think of the two of you were in this situation. You're both rich, famous, Super Bowl winning quarterbacks who do not need a dime. When it got down to it wouldn't you look at each other at the same time and say, "Look loser if you want to go through with this I'm fine. It is actually what I would expect out of a person like you but there is no way I am licking an Oreo on national television and then having a conversation with an idiot like you with white icing all over my face."