Bones crosses Boundaries

There are certain things that Bones simply does not think are funny. Among them are racist jokes, sex jokes and bathroom humor. Whenever someone starts in with one of these jokes Bones pretends to listen but is secretely thinking about themoment he was ushered into adulthood by Cameron Diaz at Bart Carrique's 11th birthday party (an epic sleepover that consisted of The Mask, Three Ninjas, Ace Ventura and a lot of Mountain Dew. Ahhh, to be young again) and does not hear a word. In spite of this Bones is about to ignore his hatred of bathroom humor and go where no blogger has dare ventured. You see right now it is 3:45 and I have shattered my personal record of latest lunch break ever, previously stood at 3:07, by still not satysfying the seemingly unquenchable hunger that is currently possessing my body. I wish I could tell my loyal readers that I just became mentally tougher overnight but then I would be a bigger liar than the guys on ToolAcademy. Simply put, Bones has not taken lunch because he can't. You see Bones has a mild stomach disease that requires him to undergo a procedure tommorrow that is ussually reserved for our friends that have been on this earth at least 60 years. A procedure that causes him to fast for 24 hours and drink disgusting syrup that will result in him impersonating HarryDunne all night. "Bones please tell me your not going to do what I think your going to do." Yes, my soon to not be so loyal leaders, the running commentary has returned with the setting shifting from one place of work to another.

8:00: Bones must drink 8, 10-ounce glasses of syrupy laxative inbetween 7:30 and 9:30, around ten the true festivities should begin. Try to mask your excitment. The reader should keep in mind that while I write this I am completely delirious. I have not eaten for over 12 hours and have digested 16 ounces of liquid death. To try and understand what Bones is drinking imagine something with the texture of Aunt Jemima and the tast of bile. I am not exaggerating. Time for round 3, try not hit refresh too many times inbetween posts.

8:49: I am 50 ounces deep and have never felt worse in my life. They seriously should consider making Navy Seals drink 200 ounces of this stuff as their final test. It is the exact opposite of drinking beer. When drinking Beast in college you can always just tell yourself to get through the first 5 and it won't matter. With this stuff each subsequent glass is worse than the one before. But Bones is resilent. Time for round 6, please Sir can I have another.

9:20: We have lift-off.

10:15: Bones made it through 7 glasses of the laxative, is inbetween trips to the war room and his stomach is rumbling like LardAss' in Stand by Me. The fact that I was dry heaving after every sip have made me call the procedure off. I may have one the battle but this evil liquid is beginning to win the war.

2:00 AM: I believe the trips to the war room are over. Saying I am hungry would be like saying that KatefromLost looks good in a bikini. In previous entries I have made fun of women who go on crash diets. Never again, anyone who goes without eating for more than 6 hours by choice now has my utmost respect. On a positive note I was able to watch some basketball tonight and made some observations. TylerHansborough cannot breathe through his nose, the Nuggets average at least 15 tatoos per player and Arizona is the worst coached college basketball team I have ever seen. Despite the fact it sounds like LloydChristmas is currently inhabiting my stomach I am going to try and get some sleep before my 7:50 appoinment with the devil.

Friday)

1:00 PM: Fear not my friends Bones is alive, unscathed and was completely unconsious when violated so there will be no scarring memories. The whole in my stomach has reached such a size that these spiders wouldn't stand chance. Thank you for all the support throughout the process. I am going to go eat Olive Garden's endless pasta as an appatizer, demolish Golden Corral buffet for the main course and punish a Jersey Mike's foot long for desert.