The Greatest CD Ever

Remember when Tom Cruise was relevant? Before he started jumping on couches, chastising morning talk show hosts and starring in movies set in Germany without a hint of a German accent. Hard to imagine that not that long ago he was the young stud in Top Gun and Days of Thunder. So what causes Bones to mention the master of the physciatry? Many of you readers may not know this but back in his prime Mr. Cruise starred in a small Indie movie called Jerry Maguire. In the movie a hot shot sports agent grows tired of the corruption that is prevelant in the industry and decides to set out on his own. Mr. Macguire struggles at first but in this scene Jerry believes he has just landed the future number one draft pick in the NFL. He is in a position we have all encountered. Everything in your life is either going completely right or completely wrong and all you have is the road and the radio. You need a great song to either take you even higher on cloud 9 or make you forget your struggles. As you frantically switch from station to station it is unknown what song you are looking for but when you find it there is no better feeling except for this. However, sometimes you can simply not find a decent song. After seeking through the entire FM repetoire you are left trying to convince yourself singing along to YMCA will satisfy your desires. "But Bones what about CDs?" Is there anything more annoying then putting in The Life and Times of Sean Carter Volume 2, going to track 11 and then realizing Big Pimpin is actually on volume 3, which is not in the car? The answer is obviously no. The solution is a CD Bones has created that encompasses the top 7 sing along songs. All moods and genres are covered. Simply burn and keep in your car. You will know when it's time to hit play.

1) Stay- Lisa Lobe - This song may be corny but is the perfect remedy to a boring day. When Bones is driving 45 in the right hand lane of the highway, in hopes of turning a 40 minute drive for work into an hour long affair, the feeling that comes over him when Ms. Lobe comes on the adult contemporary airwaves can best be described as magical. It evokes memories of an 8th grade Bones rocking a bowl cut and a Kordell Stewart jersey belting out the lyrics. When racalling that questionable trio of decisions it is amazing their was eventually a desire for a Mrs. Bones.

2) T.I.- What you know about that - Even though Bones knows nothing about anything the King of the South is talking about and this song is closer to his actual lifestyle he simply loves singing along to this song. Why do people who know nothing about the hard life not feel the least bit awkward when flowing to the lyrics of such a song? In his life Bones has never seen a loaded 44, owned a Louis nap sack or been seen "Ridin wid a couple latin brawds and a china doll." In spite of this during his entire senior year of college he pressed repeat and rapped along with Mr. I all day long.

3) The Outfield- Your Love - While at a house party a couple of years ago Bones heard this gem and turned to the his previously mentioned friend Jayson Hanky, who wanted me to clarify he no longer rocks the combover and coincidentally has a girlfriend because he could no longer drive the Southern Belles wild, and said "This song is amazing how come it's never on the radio?" To which Mr. Hanky replied, "because it came out in the mid 80s you moron." Who knew? This night was life altering for Bones as he has spent over 1,000 hours since crooning to the lyrics of this song. "You know I'd do anything for you/ Stay the night but keep it undercover." Exactly.

4) Neil Diamond- Sweet Caroline - Bones knows less than 20 words of this song but it simply does not matter. There is not a greater feeling of unadultered bliss in this world then being at a wedding and hearing "reaching out, touching you, touching me." For those 5 seconds Bones anticipation is higher than the most avid Lost fan's will be tonight at 7:59 Eastern. (How are they going to get back to the island?) And then it comes. The best 20 seconds of the entire ceremony, ages 5 to 105 belting out "SWEET CAROLINA DUN DUNT DUN GOOD TIMES NEVER FELT SO GOOD!, SO GOOD!.

5) Drowning Pool- Let the bodies hit the Floor - Ussually Bones does not listen to "heavy metal" or whatever this song is categorized as but this song really hits the spot when he either has too much energy or has just seen a Clint Eastwood Movie. Recently, on a visit to his parents house Bones cleared out the room, played this song and proceded to dance like Bam Margera for the duration. My mother then informed me that I was a special child whom she loved very much but I would not be welcomed back to her residence without proof that I had saught therapy. To which I replied 1, Nothings wrong with me 2, Nothings wrong with me 3, Nothings wrong with me at 4 my youngest sister started crying and I departed.

6) Big Tymers - Still Fly -Bones loves this song because it was on his mixed CD at beach week, because the refrain is catchy (Gator boots with a pimped out Gucci Suit) and because it sheds light on America's current economic crisis. The song is about being broke while managing to stay fly. At one point in the song Baby and Manny Fresh state that "they have a quarter tank of gas in their new E-Class." Thus telling the listener that although they cannot afford gas they have just purchased a new Mercedez-Benz. Why not buy a car you can afford and gets great gas mileage? Because this is America damnit!

7) Def Leapord -Pour Some Sugar On Me - Although Bones is not personally a fan of this song many are and more importantly it gives him a chance to tell a good story about himself. About a month ago Bones was at a local watering hole when this song came on. As often happens a brilliant idea came into his mind. I proceded to pay the bartender a dollar for a shot of sugar, slide into a circle of girls and dump the sweet substance all over my face. The result was laughter from my friends, shock (at both my good looks and actions) from the girls and skepticism from Mrs. Bones when my cheek still tasted like sugar the next day.

CDs can be ordered for the one-time low low price of 17.99 and Disc 2 which features Rihanna's Umbrella will be thrown in absolutely free if you pick up the phone and dial (1-800-BONES) right now.