Dipset Dipset Dipset

As is true with all human beings that inhabit the earth Bones has a cornicopia of dreams that make no sense. Dreams in which he has a wooden leg, is dating his fourth grade teacher or his girlfriend is eating bread and butter while making out with Fabio. In spite of this Bones sometimes believes that even the most outlandish of dreams have a purpose. These are the dreams that often cause him to take action in real life.

Bones' senior year in college he dreamed that he was Yoshi engaged in an epic Mario Cart battle. Mario, Luigi and the gang were up to their old tricks. However, the mushroom eating midgets had nothing on Bones this day as he dodged banana peels, flying turtle shells and plummeting endlessly into a black abyss with relative ease. As Yoshi (who was Bones) took his rightful place on the first place podium and opened his jug of milk Indy 500 style, he was flanked by two lovely ladies. To his left was Vicky Valencourt from The Waterboy. She looked at me and said, "Don't listen to your Momma. I'm not the devil." She then took a bite of crocodile meat and we surrendered to a passionate kiss. On my right was a young vixen with a beautiful smile whom Bones reconized from his Monday night Shakespeare class. She was wearing the same white daisy dukes that had caused him to fail his test on Macbeth and a Chris Cooley jersey. She kissed Bones on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "When you see me at the Redneck bar tommorrow night buy me three red jello shots. They're only a dollar." The next night when Bones saw this same women he did as instructed. The act led to a conversation, the girls tongue and lips resembling a 3 years olds afer a cherry popsicle and a kiss for Bones as the magical hangout played Closing Time right before the lights came on. This jello shot gobbler is now Mrs. Bones and from that point on Bones began to take his dreams very seriously. The following is a summary of what occured last night during his deep slumber and an explanation of what it means to the future of http://www.grillenwitgill.blogspot.com/.

When Bones drifted into unconsiousness the first place he was taken was not pleasant. He was racing in the Kentucky Derby but his situation was even worse that that of being a jockey. He was half horse half Bones. His hind legs were that of Secretariat but his torso and head were that of a man. It was towards the end of the race. A midget of a man was sitting on top of him while whipping him and pulling his head back. He was screaming in a pre-pubescent voice, "If you don't finish strong it's back to the glue factory for you Bones." As we came down the stretch he threw the midget of his back and kicked him in the chest shattering his frail sternum. He was dragged of the track and right when he was about to be euthanized I woke up in a cold sweat. Bones does not remember whether he walked or galloped to the bathroom but when he looked in the mirror he was relieved to see that he was not two things in one. After throwing away his Old Spice Body Wash he retreated back to his bed and shrugged the dream off. As fun as trying to outrun Barbaro was the real magic started when he fell back asleep.

When Bones returned to the world of unconciousness he was in a much happier place. He woke covered in Satin sheets sleeping next to a proposterously proportioned beauty. He got up slowly and rode his segway to the bathroom. During the short voyage he passed pictures of Tupac, Biggie and Scar Face. After washing himself under a porcelin shower head while watching Sportcenter on a 52 inch flat screen he finally looked in the mirror. Staring back at him was not the Casper like figure he had grown so accustomed to but the general of dipset. Bones had become Jim Jones, Jim Jones had become Bones.
As often occurs in dreams, Bones in fact was Jimmy but had no control over his actions or words. Next thing he knew he was tapping the nice lady from the slumber party on the shoulder and saying, "hey Ma, what's up" get the hell out of my crib." After taking care of business he walked down a winding, marble staircase while mouthing the words to ether Before stepping out of the house Bones threw on a Luis Vitton belt, enough ice to make Kristi Yamaguchi jealous and ate some blow fish sushi. He then hopped into a foreign whip and sped down the freeway.
Bones departed his new ride via the suicide doors, dapped up his security guard and headed into an immaculate recording studio. For the first time in his young life Bones had rythym. He entered the booth one with the beat and flowed effortlessly as producers nodded their heads. After lacing a few tracks Bones stepped out of the booth and heard an "hey" that let him know he would no longer be recording alone. His best friend Juelz had arrived. Santana and the rest of his boys crowded around me and we all began performing performing flawless dips in perfect unison while yelling, Dip Set, Dip Set, Dip Set After a short workout Jeulz pulled out a strong smelling substance with a greenish hue. His only previous experience with the drug was on That 70s Show but today he was Jimmy Jones so he partook in the activities. Following the puff, puff, pass Bones watched all three Friday's with the fellas and prepared himself to go clubbin that night.
When Bones got to the club he popped champagne and yelled "ballin" after every sip. The entire night he stayed focused on hips and thighs while watching ladies doing the rain dance. The females at the the club and dip set thought Bones was Jones and showed much love the whole night. The nights proceedings could best be described by the following, At one 1 AM Bones was at the club, at 2 Am Bones got 10 bottles of bub but about 3 something Bones was thinking bout grub so he stumbled to his car through the drinks and the drugs. Bones had fun but knew he could not keep up this lifestyle forever so he refreshed when he awoke to the sound of his alarm clock. During the morning he could not get balling out of his head nor could deny what the dream was telling him to do. He needed to make a music video for his own version of ballin to promote his website. Instead of balling the song will be called blogging. It will exemplifly how similar the life of a baller and blogger actually are. Like I said Bones is Jones. Who is Mike Bones Productions estimates it dropping on youtube in the next week or two. It is fate.

Chief of the Week: Just like last week this Squanto wannabee won the award in an absolute landslide. Mrs. Bones and I were out to dinner at a nice but moderately priced Japanese restaurant. As is normal custom on our dates Bones was realing off one-liner after one-liner while Mrs. Bones was laughing hysterically and struggling for air. During the hilarity Bones noticed that a party of three was about to seated next to us. Per the request of Mrs. Bones I removed the chop stix from my nose in an attempt to give these strangers the impression I was civilized. However, if I had the known the verbal gems this headress wearing, commander of scantilly clad men was about to deliver I would not have bothered.
The party consisted of two men and one woman. All three were pretentious but there was only one true chief. Upon sitting down this bulls-eye splitting banchi actually said, "Are we going to be good boys and drink beer or are we going to be bad boys and drink martinis." After laughing so hard that had to perform the heimlich manuever on himself Bones composed himself enough to this man tell the waiter "he was was feeling a little naughty so he would have a Martini, tell his tribesman he, "was going to get the most expensive thing on the menu (a whopping $22.50) because he was rich" and state that, "there is no way anyone in the restuarant could possibly know how much money they all made." This is when Bones stood up and pointed at at the man and said, "But everyone here does know that you were responsible for Custard's last stand ya big CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!"