It is human nature to long for the days of yore. Kids in middle school long for the days when all you needed was an imagination to have fun. High school students reminisce about a simplier time when SATs, Calculus and Proactive were foreign concepts. College students yearn for a time when they could remember the night before, did not have to eat monday's hamburgers in tuesday's chilli and the SAT was the only three letter abreviation to worry about. Following college everyone longs to be back in a shared 10x12 room, drinking cheap beer, eating stuff they wouldn't currently touch and bragging that "she wasn't that bad." Ah, what a strange, preplexing race we are. Admittedly, from time to time Bones thinks about a time when there were no worries. However, when I hear senior citizens, who I greatly respect, wax nostalgic about the good old days of sports it causes me to cringe. Athletes today are simply bigger, stronger, faster and more fun to watch. Some may call me a blasphemer but the worst player today the NBA would be the best in the 50s and 60s. The following comparisons may hurt but it is time for us to all move on and embrace today.
Bill Russell is Bo Outlaw: After all you basketball purists start hyperventilating like a feminist who just heard someone insult Oprah, grab a paper bag and watch a highlight video or reel in this case. No, the players moving up and down the projector screen are not in slow motion. Those truly are Russell's opponents. No, Russell was not 7'6, he was 6'9, but everyone else on the court was under 6'6. No, it is not a Celtics exhibition against the USSR, there were unwritten rules on how many African-Americans each team could have. And no, the fast guy runnin up and down the court patting the ball like he is mad at it and throwing jump passes is not the running back from your high school gym class that had never played basketball but Bob Cousy. I am not denying that Bill Russell was an amazing athlete for his day, dealt with things that today's athletes could never dream of and was a true role model on and off the court. But if you think he could match up with the athletic freaks of today's NBA, think Russell vs. Stoudamire, you are sadly mistaken. If Russell played today he would be trading bricks with Glen Davis during garbage time helping me secure another under.
Babe Ruth is John Kruk: Luckily I am not hanging out with the crew from Sandlot. Yes, I just compared the Colosos of Clout to a mullet rocking Philly. George Herman was absolutely amazing during prohibition but those good ole' boys who claim he would hit 100 home runs in today's parks need to slow down a little. Pointing the cheap seats and delivering is a lot easier when you know an 80 mph heater or the always tricky spit ball are the only weapons the guy on the mound has in his arsenal. Bones would love to see the Sultan of Swat call his shot and then try to connect the Oak Tree he used as a bat with a Brad Lidge slider. Ruth's numbers, especially when compared to others of his era, are undoubtedly impressive but today he would be better known for being friends with John Daly than the 20 Home Runs hit each year.
Joe Namath is Chad Pennington: This is an actually an insult to Chad Pennington. "Broadway Joe" is a perfect example of how the past is overhyped. Besides correctly predicting the outcome of Super Bowl III Namath's career was subpar at best. He barely completed over 50 percent of his passes and threw 47 more interceptions than TDs. A more accurate comparison would be a combination of Gus Frerrotte's stats and Jessie Palmer's face. Do you think if Namath was a contestant on the next Bachelor any of the other ladies would stand a chance against Suzy Kolber?
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